Dear Coach Bryant,
My daughter is an Alpine skier and is starting the college recruitment process. I want to be supportive, but I’m worried about saying the wrong thing; I can see how overwhelming this process is for her, and I don’t want her to feel extra pressure or be afraid of disappointing me. What should I avoid saying, and how can I be more helpful?
Determined in Denver
Dear Determined,
The words we choose can shape a student-athlete’s confidence, motivation, and overall experience—especially during the stressful college athletics recruiting process. With coaches evaluating their potential and their future hanging in the balance, they are already feeling vulnerable. The last thing they need is added pressure from home. Even well-intentioned comments may send unintended messages about success and failure. Here are three common things parents say to their recruited student-athletes—but shouldn’t—and what to say instead:
“It’s time to get that athletic scholarship”
Many parents believe that the money they’ve invested in youth sports should be “paid back” through athletic scholarships. Unfortunately, athletic scholarships are extremely competitive, and only a small percentage of student-athletes actually receive them. Most college athletes receive the bulk of their financial aid through academic scholarships, grants, and need-based aid—not athletics. Telling your child that they owe you and that their future in sports depends solely on earning an athletic scholarship places undue pressure on them and may prevent them from considering schools that could be a great fit. What to say instead:
“There are many ways to make college affordable, and the right fit includes not just athletics and academics, but also financial considerations that work for our family.”
“You’re better than D3.”
It’s common for parents to push their child toward the highest levels of competition, but dismissing Division III as “less than” suggests that Division III athletics aren’t valuable. The reality is that Division III offers high-level competition with athletes who are passionate about their sport and committed to excellence. Oftentimes, there is more opportunity for skilled and dedicated athletes to make a greater impact on their teams. Many student-athletes enjoy the “big fish, small pond” advantage—meaning they can make an immediate impact on their team while also benefiting from strong academics and a well-rounded college experience.
Dismissing Division III as “less than” can cause your child to overlook great opportunities that could be the best fit for their academic, athletic, and personal development. What to say instead:
“There are great athletes across all of college sports, and your academic, athletic and personal development matters more than any division.”
“You don’t want to wind up at a Ju-Co.”
Many parents dismiss community college, unintentionally sending the message that their child’s current abilities aren’t good enough or that attending a two-year school is something to be ashamed of. However, community college can be an excellent pathway for student-athletes looking to develop their skills, gain playing experience, and eventually transfer to a larger program. Additionally, many community colleges provide a great education, often with career-specific programs that prepare students for long-term success. In fact, many successful college athletes and professionals have taken this route to reach their goals. What to say instead:
“Community college could be a great stepping stone to a four-year program for you.”
The Reality
The language you use when discussing college athletics with your child matters. Being mindful of how you frame opportunities—whether discussing community college, scholarships, or different competition levels—can help them approach the process with an open mind and a positive outlook. Your words also play a crucial role in shaping their confidence, self-worth, and perception of success, where success is defined by growth, opportunity, and finding an environment that meets their academic, athletic, and financial needs. The best fit college team is the one that allows your child to develop their skills, receive a quality education, and fully enjoy their college experience.
