The time has almost arrived; this spring I will be one of those parents celebrating a graduating high school senior and sending him off to study and play his sport in college. We’ve been closely following our son’s future college soccer team and their impressive season. We watched every postseason game on livestream and witnessed the culmination: a tie in the final game of the NCAA Championships. The awarding of the championship came down to penalty kicks, which they lost 4-3. Even a casual soccer fan knows that is an excruciating way to finish a season. The result was the reverse of 2021’s championship game, where they were the victors in PKs against the same team.
I have so much empathy for the coach, having participated in 14 NCAA Championship finals myself and experiencing both wins and losses. As I watched this recent soccer game, the emotions of those high pressure situations came flooding back to me. In loss: the sleepless nights, the anxiety, the trauma. In victory: the elation, the extreme relief.
My son got a glimpse of everything that goes into the process when he attended a pregame meeting with his prospective team on a college recruiting visit. After all of the postseason scouting reports, film reviews, meetings, practicing and coaching, the difference can come down to one kick. Heartbreaking. When I think about what my son’s future coach went through, the following thoughts come to mind:
Coaches are laser focused.
When their sport is in season, coaches are really in the zone. Anyone not in their position can find it hard to relate to the demands and commitment that the job entails. When the season ends, it can feel disorienting for a coach to go back to life outside the team bubble and interact with people who have no idea what they have endured.
Rest is important.
After a long and grinding season, coaches need to get off the grid for a while. They should know that there are strong communities surrounding them, and after some time has passed, they can reach out for support.
A legacy program builds pride.
My son recognized that this program exuded positive team culture and good sportsmanship. Being a coach’s son, he undoubtedly overheard a lot of “shop talk” throughout my career and I believe that helped him recognize the virtuous qualities of this particular team. A single loss (or in this case, a tie) can’t do anything to diminish that.
The Reality
Win or lose, a coach sets the expectation and carries a heavy mental load for the team. Remember to remind your child’s coach of your support, while giving them the space they need to process at the end of a season. I found a lot to respect in my son’s future team’s efforts this season and I look forward to watching him play for such a commendable program over the next four years.
