NAVIGATING COLLEGE SELECTION FOR STUDENT-ATHLETES: ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR PARENTS

Navigating the college selection process for your student-athlete can be overwhelming, especially when balancing the demands of multiple children, careers, and everyday life. That’s why we’ve compiled the best parent tips from our blog posts to help!  From taking a holistic approach to the athletic recruiting process, to fostering independence and encouraging realistic expectations, these insights will empower your student-athlete to find their best-fit college—academically, athletically, and personally. Simply click on the heading below that you are most interested in learning more about. 

Guiding Your Student-Athlete Through College Selection: A Parent’s Role

Coaching your student athlete in the college selection process is a big job. It’s especially challenging for parents who are juggling multiple children’s concerns on top of their own careers and the demands of everyday life. That’s why parents hire me to help them through this process. The reality is that high school athletes can be coached to find their “right” fit college.  As your child works through the process, they can find their own voice and make a solid, independent decision about where they want to not only play their sport, but truly thrive during college years.

• A college athletic recruiting search should TAKE A HOLISTIC APPROACH. An effective college search should not focus solely on where your child can play their sport, but where they can learn and grow in every aspect of life. 
• A college athletic recruiting search should TAKE AN ADVOCACY APPROACH. Help your child learn to advocate for themselves. It’s essential that your child find their own voice. Part of that process might include helping them practice ways to talk to teammates and coaches about college concerns.  
• A college athletic  recruiting search should TAKE A REALISTIC APPROACH. While your child needs to self-advocate, they also need to learn how to accurately assess their value as a player. They need to figure out their “net worth” to both their current and future college team. If they can realistically answer the question, “Where would I be considered a ‘highly-desirable’ recruit, then  they are much more likely to find a school where they can thrive.
• A college athletic recruiting search should TAKE A BROADER APPROACH. Your child will need to expand their network. It’s important that your child explore all their avenues, rather than limiting themselves to what they have heard about through their club coach or friends. 
• A college athletic recruiting search should TAKE AN INDEPENDENT APPROACH. Help your child do some research. Ask them to find out where local athletes at their level have gone on to play. Then ask them to expand their research to athletes outside your hometown. Challenge them to talk with players and coaches from other clubs and schools, extending their research to colleges they hear mentioned. Soon they should be ready to not only identify potential colleges, but independently contact coaches at those colleges, asking about their recruiting processes and whether they might be a good fit for their teams.
• A college athletic recruiting search should TAKE A STUDENT-DRIVEN APPROACH. The only conversation that the parents should be in the room for is a discussion about FINANCES. When the topic involves a scholarship, tuition, or fees, that’s the time when your guidance and point of view are welcome.

Parents, Step Back: Let Coaches Evaluate Your Student-Athlete

Well-meaning parents can totally jeopardize the recruiting process for their children. Recruiters are seeking players who not only play well, but function well as a person and team member. Sometimes the best way parents can help their students during recruitment is to get out of the way. 

• A COLLEGE COACH SCOUTS CHARACTER. They make recruiting visits to watch students compete and watch how those students and their parents interact with others. Sometimes they eliminate a potential recruit because of what they see off the field/court. When they invite student-athletes for campus visits, they do so to get to know the student, not the parents. 
• A COLLEGE COACH IS BUSY.  As a parent, it’s totally fine to approach a scout and introduce yourself. And since compliance rules might dictate their interactions, it’s totally fine for scouts to be polite but not engage in extended conversation. Plus, it’s important to remember scouts are there to work, not socialize. College reps are usually there to watch several students, not just one. Even if scouts enjoy meeting you, they will be too busy to do much more.
• A COLLEGE COACH SCOUTS PARENTS. Many don’t realize that coaches not only watch students, but parents. In fact, a parent’s behavior can impact a student’s recruitment. College coaches often contact high school coaches to not only ask about a student’s character, but about parents. They know student athletes can really excel when their parents step back and allow them to spread their wings. 
  • • RECRUITERS WATCH PARENTAL BEHAVIOR. When coaches watch potential recruits play, they also watch parents. After all, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Parents who lack self-control often raise children who lack self-control. If a parent is carrying the child’s bag, that’s another big red flag. No one wants a diva. Make sure your sideline behavior is exemplary. Never criticize a referee, coach or player, publicly or privately. Never try to coach your child (or anyone else) from the sidelines. Over-involved parents raise recruiters’ red flags.
    • RECRUITERS HEAR PARENTAL COMMENTS. Recruiters hear parental comments. Recruiters are attuned to post-game chatter. If a student just lost a match and her parents are hammering home everything she did wrong, the recruiter will wonder if that player can compete without worrying about post-match criticism. The psychological piece is crucial, because a student’s relationship with a parent can jeopardize her ability to handle higher-level pressure.
    • RECRUITERS RESIST PARENTAL ADVOCACY. When meeting a coach, the parent’s job is to smile, shake hands, say, “Glad to meet you,” and step away. Coaches will ask students what they want to know, and they don’t want to hear a parent brag about their child’s accomplishments. In fact, an over-involved parent can be a red flag, signaling that their child hasn’t learned to speak and advocate for herself. 
    • RECRUITERS VALUE INDEPENDENCE. Make sure your high school child knows how to ask his/her own questions of a coach. A parent exhibiting exemplary sideline behavior never corners their child’s high school coach before or after a game to ask about their child, a coaching decision or anything else. Even a parent’s seemingly-innocent question (“I just want to understand the strategy here…”) sends the message that they are questioning the coach.

Effort Over Connections: The True Path to College Athletics Recruitment

“Who you know” is not a recruiting strategy in college athletics. Athletes gain attention from coaches through their own efforts, on and off the playing field. 

• RECRUITING IS NOT ABOUT INSIDERS. It may be that your friend could help get your child a meeting with a coach. But if your kid is already a standout player, that coach may already have them on his or her radar, and would be open to meeting her. In the end though, recruiting decisions are based on athletic ability, not inside contacts.
• RECRUITING IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. Unless your friend has a campus building named after them, it is highly unlikely that their endorsement will result in special attention from the coach. While some coaches may be vulnerable to donor pressure, most adhere to ethical standards when assembling their roster. Money rarely makes a difference. 
• RECRUITING IS NOT ABOUT PARENTS. As a parent, you’ve undoubtedly needed  to serve as your child’s advocate in countless parent-teacher conferences and coaches’ meetings. But now your job is to teach your kid how to reach out to coaches at their target schools. Even if the donor-friend is able to make an introduction, coaches want to hear from the recruit, not the recruit’s parents.
• RECRUITING IS NOT ABOUT CLUB COACHES. While most coaches want what is best for their athletes, some of them have a myopic view of what’s out there, favoring schools they’ve known about in the past without learning about evolving options. Some are even pulled by their egos, and will direct their players toward colleges that would bring their programs more prestige, rather than what’s best for an individual student. And, coaches in competitive clubs tend to focus on their highest-potential players, rather than devoting equal attention to all their students’ recruiting concerns.

Commitment Caution: Why Student-Athletes Should Keep Their Options Open

The most anxiety-inducing time for families is often when it’s time to make a commitment. No parent wants to make a mistake or miss out on any opportunities. 

• RECRUITED STUDENT-ATHLETES SHOULD GET OFFERS IN WRITING.  Students can’t rely on a coach’s verbal assurances. They should instead ask him/her to send an email confirming statements like, “I’m going to support your application with admissions,” or “I’ve run your profile by admissions and it looks strong.” (Meaning the coach has presented the student’s transcript, standardized tests scores or other documents for “an early read.”) Other written assurances are even better, like a “likely” letter coming straight from the dean of admissions.  A “likely” letter typically states that if a student’s profile doesn’t change it is “likely” he/she will be admitted.  
• RECRUITED STUDENT-ATHLETES SHOULD HAVE BACK-UPS.  Not  every school can do a “likely” letter. And, since neither the coach nor the admissions staff can anticipate how many excellent applications they will receive for any given year, “likely” is not “certainly.” That’s why I help clients prepare individualized back-up plans. By junior year students should be developing relationships with coaches at multiple colleges where they can compete athletically, academically and financially. I guide them on not only how to find those schools, but how to cultivate those relationships until they receive an official acceptance.   
• RECRUITED STUDENT-ATHLETES SHOULD GET SOMETHING OFFICIAL by November of their senior year. For certain seniors (those receiving athletic aid) the official acceptance might be a National Letter of Intent (NLI), received anytime from early November through spring. Since non-scholarship athletes don’t sign an NLI, students targeting those colleges must be persistent throughout late fall and early winter, checking with coaches regularly to make sure they are still in the running for acceptance and a place on the team.  
• RECRUITED STUDENT-ATHLETES SHOULDN’T COMMIT UNTIL THE PROGRAM IS FULLY COMMITTED TO THEM. Since college coaches and admissions officials can’t control/predict all admittance factors, many high school seniors without back-up plans are left scrambling each spring. That’s why I guide student-athletes to start investigating realistic college options as sophomores, refine their college lists as juniors, and keep their best-bet options open as seniors — avoiding the spring scramble.
• COMMITTED STUDENT-ATHLETES SHOULD WITHDRAW FROM CONSIDERATION. Only when recruited student-athletes have their official acceptance or sign a NLI should they contact their back-up schools to withdraw their name from consideration. It’s not necessary to brief each coach before then, unless they’re asked about their intentions. If a coach says, “Where are we on your list?” then a student should be honest and say, “Near the top. I’m still considering five schools,” or whatever is truthful. Once a student has accepted an official offer, he/she should notify the other coaches, thanking them for their interest.

Parenting Policies for College Athletic Success: Encouraging Independence and Effort

My husband and I are proud parents. While I coach professionally, I don’t coach my sons. When we see one of our sons after his game, we simply say these five words: “We love watching you play.” If he wants to talk about his performance, we don’t do so on the field – or even on the way home. If something is bothering him, we encourage him to take time to think about it. If his concerns persist, we suggest he communicate with his coach. We teach him appropriate ways to reach out to his coach. We don’t let him complain to us or others about the coach or other players. We redirect his energy to what he can control – his effort and his attitude. While my husband and I don’t claim to be perfect, we follow these policies because that’s what coaches hope proud parents will do. The reality is that the parents who take this approach are more likely to help their students maximize their athletic potential while also reinforcing the lifelong lessons they want them to learn from their play.

• WISE PARENTS HAVE HOLISTIC PRIORITIES. Your ultimate goal is to help your child grow into a confident and independent person. Wise parents shun the “prestige” communities often ascribe to raising an athletically-gifted child. Rather than getting wrapped up in their child’s success, smart moms and dads consider their child’s sport a character development tool. 
• WISE PARENTS KNOW THEIR ROLE. Your job as the parent of a student athlete is to get your child to games, practices and campus tours. Then your job is to step aside. It is your high school child’s job to talk with college coaches/scouts. A parent’s communication with a college coach should be limited to financial concerns.
• WISE PARENTS SUPPORT THEIR CHILD. Help your child organize and and strategize their contacts, assemble lists of likely schools, and narrow the options as they do systematic research.

Overcoming Low Confidence: Strategies for Supporting Your Athlete

When a child seems to be digging a low-confidence hole, it’s time to reassess. Consider what might be contributing to the situation. Seek whatever help is needed to shore up mental conditioning. Take breaks whenever necessary. Most of all, don’t let your child feel limited by the attention –or inattention– of a specific coach or school. Make sure your child understands that there are multiple options out there that can help overcome any slump.

• STUDENT-ATHLETES NEED MENTAL SKILLS. Parents know the important role physical conditioning plays in sports training. But sometimes parents aren’t as aware of the importance of mental conditioning. While everyone makes mistakes, successful athletes learn to train their minds to overcome those mistakes. Anyone intent on playing college sports must work on their mental game; they must learn to respond appropriately (and recover quickly) when things don’t go well. That’s why I refer players to sports psychologists as routinely as I refer to athletic trainers. Sports psychologists can help young athletes refocus, developing mental strategies that will help them for years to come.

• STUDENT-ATHLETES MUST EVALUATE ALL THEIR OPTIONS. While no parent wants to crush their child’s dreams, a confidence break is a good time to reevaluate whether a high school athlete has unrealistic expectations. Sophomore year is an excellent time for families to start exploring all college possibilities, with a particular focus on schools that are financially, athletically and academically feasible. An expanded search can provide a huge confidence boost, as student-athletes see the long list of coaches who would be highly interested in having them play.
• STUDENT-ATHLETES NEED RECOVERY SKILLS. Parents should not talk about their children’s mistakes. If parents repeatedly hold what-went-wrong reviews, children will feel defined by their mistakes. Instead, young athletes should be encouraged to learn and move on. If an athlete continues to make the same mistakes a parent might consider bringing in a private coach to work on whatever is causing the performance breakdown. 
• STUDENT-ATHLETES NEED BREAKS. I’ve seen many of my college tennis players come back from an extended break and play their best tennis ever. It might be that your child needs a real family vacation – hiking or playing on the beach – more than he needs a showcase tour. Whatever you decide to do for the summer, it’s important to remember that all families need to spend time together every week, all year long, doing something that they enjoy that has nothing to do with their child’s sport.

Exploring Alternatives: When Varsity Isn’t the Right Fit

If your child one day randomly decides to give up playing college even though it has been their dream to continue playing for so long, it could be that they don’t know what they want. Or maybe they just need to give up their assumptions about playing college. Talking about these things helps students quantify what they do and don’t want. 

• TALK ABOUT COLLEGE ATHLETICS. Ask your child why they love playing their sport. Remind them that there are mental/physical components to what they feel in plays and practices. Athletes thrive on exercise-related endorphins. Those who have been physically active three to four hours a day for 10 years need exercise. They will suffer a major crash to their systems if they stop training. And it can be difficult for college freshmen to consistently pursue that training level if they’re not part of a competitive team.
• TALK ABOUT COLLEGE SCHEDULES. Ask your child how many hours a day they spend in class now. Explain that college classes will only take two to three hours of his day. Even if they spend several more hours studying, they will still have a lot of time on their hands. How will they spend that time? Club sports might fill three to four hours a week, but your child will need to find other activities – work, volunteering, Greek life, faith-based or other activities – to keep them from falling into freshman-failure behaviors.
• TALK ABOUT COLLEGE OPTIONS.  Only two percent of high school athletes play Division 1 across all sports.  There are phenomenal Division II, III and NAIA schools with great athletic programs as well. These schools also offer highly-competitive academic programs that can help your child identify their career interests. Many of them might welcome your child as both a student and athlete, but they won’t know about those options if they aren’t willing to explore them.
• TALK ABOUT COLLEGE ENGAGEMENT. Studies say that university prestige has nothing to do with student success. The most indicative predictor of student success is the quality of an individual student’s engagement. For some students, quality engagement means sports. For others it’s honors programs, service organizations or some other campus-centric activity. Whatever that activity, students who are highly engaged are most likely to excel. Explain to your child that you can help them explore all their options, so they can decide whether college sports at a non-Division 1 school might be one way to help him engage and succeed.
• TALK ABOUT IDENTITY. They should also consider how to adjust their self-image when they are no longer part of a team or identified as a varsity athlete. During a high school or club season is a poignant time for you to help guide your child as they sort out those questions and explore options. That’s the way you can help them avoid making a decision they might later regret.