Dear Coach Bryant,
We just got back from visiting with a coach at my daughter’s dream college and she hasn’t stopped smiling since. The facilities were impressive and the coach seemed energetic and driven. But as a parent, I can’t help but wonder—beyond the glossy visit and big promises—how do I know if this coach will actually care about her as a person, not just an athlete?
From Worried in Wichita
Dear Worried,
This is such an important—and often overlooked—question. When families are deep in the college recruiting process, it’s easy to get caught up in scholarship dollars, win-loss records, or impressive facilities. But when it comes to your child’s personal growth, the coach matters just as much—maybe more—than the college name on the jersey.
A few months ago, a former player of mine shared a reflection that deeply moved me. She talked about her time on the Emory Women’s Tennis Team and what it meant to “trust the process,” a phrase I said often but she truly lived. Her story is worth sharing because it reveals what real mentorship looks like—not in theory, but in the day-to-day moments that shape young people as both athletes and humans.
This athlete came to Emory with talent, no doubt—but also with dreams that extended far beyond tennis. She tripped—literally and figuratively—many times. (In fact, she may go down in history as one of my most determined and most clumsy players—a rare combo that kept our team trainer on speed dial.) But she never stayed down. Together, we worked through the stumbles with conditioning drills and strategy tweaks. But the more meaningful growth happened in the moments in between: in our journaling sessions, in “word of the day” huddles, and in late-night phone calls navigating her nursing clinical schedule around team practices. That’s where mentorship lives—in those small, steady decisions to show up and support someone fully.
So how can you tell if your child’s future coach will be that kind of mentor? Here are a few signs to look for:
They emphasize reflection.
Great coaches don’t just teach technique—they encourage athletes to think deeply about their role, their goals, and their growth. Do they ask your child questions? Do they listen as much as they talk? Mentors help athletes develop self-awareness, not just forehands.
They reframe challenges as opportunities.
My former player fell often. We could have ignored it. Instead, we reframed it: let’s make you the most stable player on the court. Coaches who mentor don’t gloss over obstacles—they help athletes see them differently and attack them with a plan.
They resolve—not avoid—conflict.
When things get hard (and they will), mentors don’t disappear or punish. They help find solutions. Whether it’s a slump in performance, a mental health struggle, or schedule conflicts, a good coach will sit down, listen, and work through it.
They support the whole person.
Your child isn’t just an athlete. They’re a student, a teammate, a young adult finding their way. A true mentor-coach recognizes that and builds a relationship rooted in trust. The student I mentioned wanted to pursue a nursing degree—an ambitious path alongside college tennis. Instead of telling her “no,” we found a way to make it work. That mutual trust paid off on the court and far beyond it.
They lead with humility and humanity.
Sometimes leadership is a pre-match huddle and sometimes it’s a bag of candy after a long, frustrating practice. The little things matter. Mentors sense the emotional temperature of their team and respond with compassion. They make their athletes feel seen.
One more piece of advice:
During campus visits, encourage your child to spend real time with current team members—away from the coach, if possible. These athletes will tell you more about the coach’s values than any brochure or presentation ever could. Ask them what kind of support they’ve received when injured, overwhelmed, or struggling. Do they feel known? Challenged? Trusted? If their eyes light up when they talk about their coach—or if they tell stories that mirror the ones above—you’re probably looking at the kind of mentorship that lasts.
As the athlete who wrote to me said: coaching and mentoring are different—but when they come together, it can be life-changing. She went on to mentor new nurses herself, using the same techniques she learned through college tennis. That’s the ripple effect of good mentorship—it doesn’t end on the court or field.
So yes, ask the big questions. Pay attention to how the coach speaks to your child during recruiting. Look for evidence of reflection, challenge, and care. That’s the process worth trusting.
Warmly,
Coach Bryant
